When I was 18, I had wished I were brave enough to head out of Stoneham and travel. But alas I had no friends that had ever mentioned traveling and I put the idea of "backpacking through Europe" aside. It has often crossed my mind and I wished that I had traveled some before I married. During one of my trips back to a reunion in Stoneham, I traveled with a friend from elementary school who also lives in NH. To my surprise, she had traveled to England and lived there for 12 years !!!! Oh how I was so jealous that she had been brave and encouraged and followed through. She had wonderful tales.
Now, it is my turn to have a visit to Europe. I will be off next week for TWO weeks to Switzerland!
Off to visit my baby girl and her hubby in Zurich. I am looking forward to it so much. I don't really know what to expect except mountains, snow and adventures with my family in Zurich.
Sounds very strange, my family in Zurich. I have family all over the USA but never anywhere else. I am excited that Kristen lives there with her Mark and will explore the world as even she never has before. She has traveled but never lived in Europe. So far so good. Kristen has such a wonderful way with people, she is meeting friends through the ExPats. I am sure when I am visiting that I will be able to watch all of this first hand. Kristen said she has plans and adventures planned. Whatever I will be doing will be great and happy and fulfilling for me as I will be finally getting to Europe and seeing my baby girl Kristen in her new surroundings with her husband, Mark who has taken his new attorney position with Zurich Financial where he seems to be very happy and content. Oh, what a wonderful life they have. I hope they live each day to the fullest.
Wish we luck and a safe trip.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Expectations :(
Expectations, what can I say. We all have them but we might want to learn to live without them.
As little kids, we are told that we are going to the store or to visit a new neighbor with Mom or Dad. We get excited. We think about what it will be like. We think about what we will ask Mom or Dad to get for us at the store. We think about how we would really love a nice little kid just like ourselves to live next door. What fun!!
As older kids, we enter Middle School with friends whom we have known for 2-5 years. We are happy and confident that they will always be our friends. Nothing ever cross our mind, that they would leave us high and dry in Middle School but some do. Did we do something that made them not like us now? Will they tell their new friends about what we said or did when we were little even though we did a pinky swear? Can I still trust them? Will the new friends that we make be as "good" as our old friends?
High School continues our expectations of our friends and family. When we are invited with the cool kids to go to a party, we have expectations about that party from what we have heard. We
think we are going to be completely accepted now, we too will now be cool. The party is just a gathering. Some people are cool others just try too hard to fit in. We figure out while there by just watching and listening that everyone else is just as scared, lonely, trying too hard, lacking confidence which shows up as boastful and over confident....as we are. On Monday, we are all back school and just being kids trying too hard to prove ourselves. Any why? What should we even care if the cool kids like us? We like ourselves.
Find another group. There are plenty of groups of kids doing different activities that we might like better than what we saw at the party.
College, yep, same thing but we know a little better and are more confident. Still make errors in judgment. Still having expectations. Didn't our parents warn us about this more than once?
"Birds of a feather stick together" If we have expectations for someone and he/she lets us down, shame on us. We can't change them we can only change our self. Stop with the expectations we tell ourselves. Just wait and see what happens. Then we won't be disappointed.
Marriage can be the same. Although we have talked for hours at a time, asked lots of questions and watched this mate of ours in different public surroundings we don't know them as well as we might. We don't even know how we will act in all circumstances so how can we expect to know how someone that we have know for a year or 5, will act in all circumstances. We might be surprised by how our mate acts when he/she sees an old boss, old teacher, old friend, old lover... We might have even played scenarios about this. How we will handle it if he/she runs into someone we don't know. We have expectations. If we are creative, we might run through the scene like a play or if we are overly dramatic, we might become the hero, villain or the marter. Will our mate be respectful of us?
Will our mate introduce us? Will we feel alone and left out?
Now, I ask you. Is this their fault? Isn't it ours? We had the expectations. We played the scene and fed into our own fears.
Now that is not good. If we are secure with who we are, confident that we are good, nice people, friendly, honest, loyal, hard working, adventurous or whatever...then we have no fear of the past or others.
Life is either based on Love or Fear. We have to choose our path. Have no expectations and don't be disappointed. Have no fear of the past and we will have confidence in our future. We can and should control our future and our fears. Control them so that we are the powerful force we were meant to be. Not cocky. Not overbearing. Not a bossy, know it all. Just be. Just be a silent, listening, interesting person. No expectations. Be the one people want to talk to, not talk about. Be the one who doesn't enter anywhere, wondering what if. Be the one who smiles and waits to see what happens. It will happen you know. It will happen no matter what. It will happen the way it is supposed to. Without your help or your interference. Make it fun. See what happens when you don't know. Don't care which way things go. You have no control anyway.
So, let go and relax. Love not fear.
As little kids, we are told that we are going to the store or to visit a new neighbor with Mom or Dad. We get excited. We think about what it will be like. We think about what we will ask Mom or Dad to get for us at the store. We think about how we would really love a nice little kid just like ourselves to live next door. What fun!!
As older kids, we enter Middle School with friends whom we have known for 2-5 years. We are happy and confident that they will always be our friends. Nothing ever cross our mind, that they would leave us high and dry in Middle School but some do. Did we do something that made them not like us now? Will they tell their new friends about what we said or did when we were little even though we did a pinky swear? Can I still trust them? Will the new friends that we make be as "good" as our old friends?
High School continues our expectations of our friends and family. When we are invited with the cool kids to go to a party, we have expectations about that party from what we have heard. We
think we are going to be completely accepted now, we too will now be cool. The party is just a gathering. Some people are cool others just try too hard to fit in. We figure out while there by just watching and listening that everyone else is just as scared, lonely, trying too hard, lacking confidence which shows up as boastful and over confident....as we are. On Monday, we are all back school and just being kids trying too hard to prove ourselves. Any why? What should we even care if the cool kids like us? We like ourselves.
Find another group. There are plenty of groups of kids doing different activities that we might like better than what we saw at the party.
College, yep, same thing but we know a little better and are more confident. Still make errors in judgment. Still having expectations. Didn't our parents warn us about this more than once?
"Birds of a feather stick together" If we have expectations for someone and he/she lets us down, shame on us. We can't change them we can only change our self. Stop with the expectations we tell ourselves. Just wait and see what happens. Then we won't be disappointed.
Marriage can be the same. Although we have talked for hours at a time, asked lots of questions and watched this mate of ours in different public surroundings we don't know them as well as we might. We don't even know how we will act in all circumstances so how can we expect to know how someone that we have know for a year or 5, will act in all circumstances. We might be surprised by how our mate acts when he/she sees an old boss, old teacher, old friend, old lover... We might have even played scenarios about this. How we will handle it if he/she runs into someone we don't know. We have expectations. If we are creative, we might run through the scene like a play or if we are overly dramatic, we might become the hero, villain or the marter. Will our mate be respectful of us?
Will our mate introduce us? Will we feel alone and left out?
Now, I ask you. Is this their fault? Isn't it ours? We had the expectations. We played the scene and fed into our own fears.
Now that is not good. If we are secure with who we are, confident that we are good, nice people, friendly, honest, loyal, hard working, adventurous or whatever...then we have no fear of the past or others.
Life is either based on Love or Fear. We have to choose our path. Have no expectations and don't be disappointed. Have no fear of the past and we will have confidence in our future. We can and should control our future and our fears. Control them so that we are the powerful force we were meant to be. Not cocky. Not overbearing. Not a bossy, know it all. Just be. Just be a silent, listening, interesting person. No expectations. Be the one people want to talk to, not talk about. Be the one who doesn't enter anywhere, wondering what if. Be the one who smiles and waits to see what happens. It will happen you know. It will happen no matter what. It will happen the way it is supposed to. Without your help or your interference. Make it fun. See what happens when you don't know. Don't care which way things go. You have no control anyway.
So, let go and relax. Love not fear.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Keeping up at 60.
I hear older people, well, people my age, all the time say that they "can't do it". They can't work a computer, they can't drive into Boston, they can't drive after dark, they can't stay up at night past 9PM, they can't move, lift or carry things, they can't use their DVD machine their kids gave them for Christmas, they can't use a remote, they can't set up their voice messaging system, they can't anything!
These people are NOT old. They have accepted being old. They have given up and don't have anyone around them to stop them from this negative thinking. I realize that as we all get older, we can't always do the physical things we used to do. We can't walk as fast, play our favorite sport activity as well, see as well and eat the way we used to. BUT "our list" still should be getting longer and we should continue to experience life. We can't give up. We can't stop learning, loving, trying, exploring, reading, living and succeeding.
I learned a long time ago from my woman friend, Gladys from Chester, NH, to keep that list of things you want to learn to do and make it grow. I have had at least 4 older women mentors. They were 45-70 when I met them. Three I met in Chester when I was between 28-32 and the last one I met where I live now about 2 years later. They didn't know and neither did I that I was learning so much from them. I learned from them by their example. I have since learned that this is the best way to "teach". Gladys was my current age when I knew her in the mid 1970's. She swam in her pool everyday, everyday..... from April to October. She canoed in her little pond w/ her grandchildren and taught them about nature while they had lunch in the canoe. She had trails around her 3 acres that she kept cleared for walking in all seasons. She ate PB&J very often. Most of all she played volleyball with us local younger women every week in her side yard. We brought our kids of all pre school ages. We never had to tell the kids to stay off the court. Gladys told them once. Firmly and with conviction and Love. We had a blast and so did the kids. Everyone was happy and the time flew by. We usually ended up inside her lovely home at the end to see what project she was working on next. There was stenciling, caning chairs, needlework, reading some great book, cooking, canning, maple syrup making, watercolor painting, planning parties, church work and on and on. She is a hard act to follow but I always keep her in mind and I try to keep up! I loved learning their stories. All of the women have great stories. Tales of hardship, life in the olden days, family problems, money situations, children and the trials they bring. Getting to hear someone's life story is a privilege. They trust you with their information. You become bound to them and them to you by this telling of words from the heart.
I think learning as you go is good but being open to learning is best. I think we all get more intuitive as we get older if we are aware of our own thoughts and feelings. We have experiences that are there for us to feel and recognize as connections to other people or feelings that we knew something before it happened.
I think many older people just accept their lives as they are. I know I have people in my world that just accept it and don't want more. That's fine. Live your life the way you want. Just be realistic about what you want compared to what you wish you could still have.
There are many ways to keep young. We don't have to compete with anyone anymore. We don't have to be the wife with the smart kids, the husband with the big job, the family with the big house that is the place where the family lives but might be pretending to either be happy or to keep up with the "Jones". We don't have to answer to anyone. We just have to know who we are and what it is that makes us happy. We have to learn confidence, be brave and push our boundaries.
If we hide, if we stay home, if we don't have the confidence in ourself, we will only make our world smaller and smaller. I have been involved with a singles group and had my own singles group and have seen woman who can't handle life and are afraid. Some learned to be brave during their time with me as the "leader" and others still just followed along like little ducklings.
Be brave, push your boundaries, try new things. No matter what your age remember "Life is not a dress rehearsal". We have to make our own happiness. Others may be there with us in our later years, or we may be alone. But if we live and not just survive the years, we will have lived well. We will be remembered with smiles.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
so much in my head
I am going to write a book before I die. I have started one on paper and 20 in my head. For Christmas '07, I asked for the same type of markers my Grandson has for his bathtub. I have great ideas and thoughts when I am in the shower and want to put them down somewhere before they are gone into the vast uk.
Now, the white walls of the two person shower are covered with reminders for my book or my life. Mine are much less scribbled than my Grandson's. At least if I am smart enough to write when the water is not washing it all away as quickly as I write.
I will post a list of chapters. Then I won't forget as things race through my mind and I have to grab quickly or wait for the next time they pass through my radar. Please feel free to comment on my chapters. I do have opinions on .....everything I guess. I call it chapters, my English teacher in HS would have wanted an outline. I think on my feet so for me to write chapters is easy but to go further into what I am going to write in each chapter is not for me. The process is my own and it works. Thank God I am not in HS anymore and I can do it as I please :)
Sampling of chapters to wet your appetite.....
This generation of women, what are they thinking?!
Do you need a 3000 sq.ft. house or are you showing off?
Do you understand need vs. want yet??
I will have to hired someone to do this work on the house, I don't know how & I don't have time.
Me, Me, Me
Everything costs so much. All the kids toys are electronic and expensive.
My idea of camping is Ritz Carlton. Bring me room service, honey.
I could go on for hours but then I would get nothing else done and I need to sell houses to make money to afford the house that I, myself live in. Realtors have bills too, even in this slump that seems never ending. BTW, if you are a renter, YOU SHOULD BUY NOW!!!
Rates are LOW, prices of houses are LOW and if you WAIT, you will lose out on some fantastic bargains no matter where in the USA you live.
I have a wonderful 1880 Victorian 4 bedroom home on .55 acre in Concord NH that belongs to my daughter and son in law that is FOR SALE........or Rent if we can't sell it soon.
Check out her blog... Harbaughhurlyburly
That's it for my #1 blog. Stay tuned folks.
Now, the white walls of the two person shower are covered with reminders for my book or my life. Mine are much less scribbled than my Grandson's. At least if I am smart enough to write when the water is not washing it all away as quickly as I write.
I will post a list of chapters. Then I won't forget as things race through my mind and I have to grab quickly or wait for the next time they pass through my radar. Please feel free to comment on my chapters. I do have opinions on .....everything I guess. I call it chapters, my English teacher in HS would have wanted an outline. I think on my feet so for me to write chapters is easy but to go further into what I am going to write in each chapter is not for me. The process is my own and it works. Thank God I am not in HS anymore and I can do it as I please :)
Sampling of chapters to wet your appetite.....
This generation of women, what are they thinking?!
Do you need a 3000 sq.ft. house or are you showing off?
Do you understand need vs. want yet??
I will have to hired someone to do this work on the house, I don't know how & I don't have time.
Me, Me, Me
Everything costs so much. All the kids toys are electronic and expensive.
My idea of camping is Ritz Carlton. Bring me room service, honey.
I could go on for hours but then I would get nothing else done and I need to sell houses to make money to afford the house that I, myself live in. Realtors have bills too, even in this slump that seems never ending. BTW, if you are a renter, YOU SHOULD BUY NOW!!!
Rates are LOW, prices of houses are LOW and if you WAIT, you will lose out on some fantastic bargains no matter where in the USA you live.
I have a wonderful 1880 Victorian 4 bedroom home on .55 acre in Concord NH that belongs to my daughter and son in law that is FOR SALE........or Rent if we can't sell it soon.
Check out her blog... Harbaughhurlyburly
That's it for my #1 blog. Stay tuned folks.
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